BLAG – NOW YOU KNOW

This is the on-going translation project that translates rubbishy English texts into a more exciting language, doing them a favor, recovering them from all that English blah blah blah…

THE OLD RUBBISHY ENGLISH VERSION

FROM HAMLET

To be, or not to be, that is the Question:
Whether ’tis Nobler in the minde to suffer
The Slings and Arrowes of outragious Fortune,
Or to take Armes against a Sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them: to dye, to sleepe
No more; and by a sleepe, to say we end
The Heart-ake, and the thousand Naturall shockes
That Flesh is heyre too? ‘Tis a consummation
Deuoutly to be wish’d. To dye to sleepe,
To sleepe, perchance to Dreame; I, there’s the rub,

THE OFFICIAL NEW GLASGOW VERSION

Tae be or no tae be, Whit kinda stupit question is that? Ah’ve been hit on the heid wi arrows and catapults and said “come ahead” tay every type o’ nutter and who knows when you’ll get yer heid tae play wi or huv tae call an undertaker. Ah’ve hid many a heart attack worrying aboot things, but none more so when a accidentally plugged masel intae the electricity and burnt ma haun. That’s the end of it right ther’ pal, sometimes ah wish fir it, tae get tae sleep, tae huv a dream, and mebbe rub ma cock before a nod aff..

“Ah…much better, thank you, Jock.”

BLAG …. what’s it all about then?

It’s forever a fold. And you gotta have it, be part of it, like a motivational speaker. I know some high priests of the blag, one in particular pops to mind, a man called Aidan McManus, a Londoner no less, quite capable of blagging the drawers off a dwarf and selling them as fine honest fabric to you tubes. Watch out for him. He’s comin’ at ya! But before he arrives, let us transport ourselves to Northern Nursery RhymeLand, where things have been a little unstable, in this two horse election year.

Trouble In Nursery RhymeLand